Time flies when one is happy. It's Saturday again. The sun is shining. The cold and clouds are gone. Time for those who still got to work on Saturday to look upon it from a lighter angle. So I'll post an office joke just forwarded to me by a friend. It's a Staff Notice.
Staff Noitce 108
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.
Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.
Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and inputs should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice weekend
Any staff notice regarding maturnity leave?
回覆刪除[版主回覆04/11/2011 14:38:00]
Maternity Leave
As all staff are engaged on the basis that they shall be fully functional at all normal working days and having babies forms no part of the job description, all female staff intending to take time off for having babies shall do so in their own private time and shall also be responsible for all the expenses of and incidental thereto. However as understanding employer, female staff intending to take "maternal" leave will be allowed to do so as long as they either arrange in advance an acceptable replacement worker during such leave at her own expense or alternatively have a proportionate part of their salaries deducted in accordance with the length of such leave. However, staff intending to take such leave must give the company not less than three months notice in advance. .
haha..good question from Peter !
回覆刪除Then how about O.T.
[版主回覆04/11/2011 14:08:00]Overtime
As all staff are expected to perform their duties competently and efficiently and therefore punctually, no "overtime" allowance will be given because having to work overtime to complete whatever work they are given beyond the time allowed shall be looked upon as a sign of their incompetence and inefficiency which as a matter of company policy, shall under no circumstances be encouraged. Staff habitually having to work "overtime" are advised to reflect seriously upon how to avoid exposing their colleagues to the punishment of having to wait for the completion of their part of the relevant job beyond the time allowed, ie, normal working hours.
love the last para. about loyalty
回覆刪除[版主回覆04/11/2011 14:10:00]Is that how you normally deal with staff complaints?
Good evening, my dear old friend! Your friend is very funny! Only if I had no other choice/job opportunity, I wouldn't file a job application in this case... "Funny rules play funny jobs , Rules are not for sale, Play your part , be the salesman, Funny sales make money fun, Jobs for you to apply, ask for some fun..."
回覆刪除[版主回覆04/11/2011 14:10:00]It is always wise to be one's own boss!
Good ones!
回覆刪除Following is mine:
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas." He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free". He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and with his wife. She said "And just where do you think you're going?" "I'm going too!!" he replied. "Why?" She asked. "I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year"!
[版主回覆04/11/2011 14:13:00]A good one for the threatened husband! Thank you.