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2014年1月4日 星期六

Saturday Jokes

Some may think teaching is never easy. Usually, you got to face to some kids who never bother to listen and some who listen but have a most peculiar way of interpreting the words that you use. But for the luckier ones, teaching can be fun too.

1. 
Describing his teacher to his mother, Jimmy called her “mean but fair.”
“Just what do you mean by that?” – his mother asked.
“She is mean to everybody.” – Jimmy replied.



2.
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!


3.
Son: I can’t go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don’t feel well
Father: Where don’t you feel well?
Son: In school!


4.
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there!


5.
Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!
Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!

6.
The little boy wasn’t getting good marks in school.

He tapped his teacher on her shoulder and said…. “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades….. somebody is going to get a spanking…”

7.
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Pupil: I get up early!

8.
“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”

9.
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
“I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

10.
Teacher: “Isn’t it remarkable how quickly the kids learn to drive the car?”
Parent: “Yes, especially considering how slowly they catch on to running the lawnmower and vacuum cleaner.”

11.
The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn.
This went on for 20 minutes – but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.
Much annoyed, the father asked his daughter why she’d led him around in such a circle.
The child explained, “That’s the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It’s the only way I know.”

12.
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

13.
College student: “Hey, Dad! I’ve got some great news for you!”
Father: “What, son?”
College student: “Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list?”
Father: “I certainly do.”
College student: “Well, you get to keep it.”

14.
Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here!

15.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”


16.
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up.” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.”Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

17.

Q: Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have?
A: Student: Big hands!

18.
Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.

19.
Little Johnny’s father said, “let me see your report card.”
Johnny replied, “I don’t have it.”
“Why not?” His father asked.
“My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”

20.
The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.
“Johnny,” the teacher asked, “where is the decimal point now?”
“On the eraser!” came back the quick reply.

21.
Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: George!


Have a nice weekend.