Sunday Fun

I went to my favourite library to return two books due today and tried to borrow an equal number but was told I could only borrow one. Surprised, I asked why. I was told that's what the system said!  I told the librarian that I just returned two books not 20 minutes ago. He then checked through the electronic records and placed nearly 40 books on the return trolley behind his desk one by one through the bar-code reading digital borrow/return record screening device once again to ensure that he did not miss out checking in any of the books returned so far that afternoon. At the end of some 6 or 7 minutes, he told me there was nothing wrong with his records. I was puzzled and asked him how it was possible that I returned two books which according to his records were both returned but that I had still exceeded my borrowing limit. He then asked me to point out to him the two books that I returned earlier. I checked through his pile and pointed them out to him. Then he said he would allow me to continue to borrow 2 but asked me to go home and check if there are any item on my list of borrowed books I had already in fact returned but whose record somehow is still on the library's "borrowed" list and if so, to telephone them to rectify their records. Upon returning home I immediately did so and found that all the books recorded as having been borrowed by me are in fact so! That meant that for some reasons unknown to me, I had been allowed to borrow one more book on the "previous" occasion and also this occasion!  Despite the latest digital technology, human errors are still possible. 

To book lovers, the library is a cross between heaven and hell. When you are checking through its catalogue, it's literal "hell" to learn how many books had been written on the subject you're interested in but it's "heaven" to actually lay your hands on a book which explains very complex ideas on a deep and abstruse subject in very simple readable language. But whatever the truth may be, it's time for some librarian fun. 

Here are some items exemplifying the "Murphy Law" discovered by certain librarians: 

1. Budget statements from Finance Department are always inversely proportional to your budgetary requirements.

2. If you made the library system foolproof you'll  discover that everybody has suddenly become geniuses.

3. When 60% of your book order is back-ordered, you can safely bet that 90% of the back-orders are out of print.

4. A "missing" encyclopedia will remain missing until the replacement you ordered is placed on the shelf.

5. Books will remain upright on the shelf until you go to place another book beside them.

6. You can be sure the student who has the most overdue books reads the least.

7. When a teacher recommends a library book to a student, you can be certain that the teacher has checked out the only copy and has lent it to a friend in Peru.

8. Students always require a 400 word article for a 500 word essay.

9. Change libraries frequently. It allows you to place the blame on your predecessor for anything that is wrong.

10. Make 17 subject headings for a book and you will find that you should have made 18.

11. The one time of the month that you take 5 minutes to read MAD magazine is when your superintendent walks in.

12. Prepare your year-end report in September before you have screwed everything up.

13. If it's a good book, it's out of stock. If it's an excellent book, it's out of print.

14. No matter how many books you have on a subject the student always thinks they're all "too big".

15. Libraries are always empty when the head of department comes to visit.

16. The volunteer aide who files the worst is the one who volunteers the most.

17. If you have a system that works you must be doing everything wrong.

18. When you spend half your library budget on a teacher's request for a course the odds are that the teacher will quit or be transferred and the course will be dropped or changed.

19. No matter how long you keep an article or piece of information you will never need it till you throw it away.

20. If you have lost one issue of a magazine there will be 35 students who will require that issue.

21. No books are lost except those that are most needed and hardest to replace.

22. The books you need the most always come from your worst supplier or jobber.

23. Every librarian should have a full-time aide. It allows you to put the blame on someone.

24. If everything's fine you're probably in the wrong library.

25.  When you re-cataloguing  a book to correct an error, you automatically create seven new problems.

26. The thinnest books often have the longest catalogue numbers.

Have a nice weekend or what's left of it!