Quacking Jokes (呷趣)

Another hectic week now gone, it's time for "quacking" a few jokes about that water fowl which never fails to bring back happy memories of the fun we once had as little children at a time otherwise so fraught with risks of getting soapy water into our eyes. That wonderful fowl has come to Hong Kong again and brought what follows;

1.Q:     What time does a duck wake up?
   A:     At the quack of dawn!

2. Q:    Why don't you ever bring a duck with you into the washroom?
    A:     Because it might be "a Pekin"!!

3. Q:     How do you get down from a duck?
    A:      A ladder!

4. Q:    What does a duck get after he eats?
    A:    A bill.

5. A duck walks into a bar and says to the bar tender "I'll have a beer".
    The bartender says "Hey! where did you come from?"
    The duck says "I'm working the construction site across the street".
    And the bartender says, "Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?"
    And the duck said "What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?"

7.     A woman walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey where'd you get the pig?"
        The women says "This isn't a pig. It's a duck"
        The bartender says "No, I was talking to the duck!"

8.     "Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a duck."
        "You better bring her in to see me straight away."
        "I can't do that - she's already flown south for the winter."

9.     A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for corn.
        The bartender
says "We have no corn, get out of here." So the duck leaves.
        The next
day he comes back and asks for corn again, and the bartender says "I
told you, we don't have any corn! Get out!" So the duck leaves.
        The next
day he goes in again and asks for corn, and the bartender says, "For
the last time, we don't have corn! If you ever come back, I'm going to
nail those webbed feet of yours to the floor!" So the duck leaves.
        The
next day the duck comes and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender
says, "No, of course not. Why would a bar have nails?"
        The duck then
says, "Good. Can I have some corn?"

10. Three friends Tom, Dick and Harry went to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter
told them, "Boys, there's only one rule up here. You can't step on any
ducks."
       Sure enough, there were ducks all over the place. It was well nigh impossible not to step on one.
       Before long Tom accidentally stepped on one of them.
       Along came St. Peter with the homeliest woman he ever saw. St.
Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a
duck is to spend eternity chained to this woman".
       About a week later, despite the greatest caution, Dick stepped on another duck.
       Along came St. Peter and with him was another even worse looking woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.
       Harry observed all this. Not wanting to be chained for all eternity
to a horrible looking woman, he took extreme care where he stepped.
       He managed to go for months without stepping on any ducks.
       Then one day, St. Peter came up to him. Beside him was the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on.
        Without a word,  St. Peter chained them together.
   The guy remarked to her, his eyes narrowed to a tiny line with delight "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?"
    She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

To end this week's fun with ducks, I'll pose you a puzzle. Here it goes: If you have two ducks in front of two ducks and two ducks behind two ducks and two ducks between two ducks, how many ducks do you have? Have fun.