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2013年5月24日 星期五

Weekend Fun

Just saw a wonderful film on a famous French singer. Her songs were moving. So was the film. But singers can be moving parts of the human torso they never intended. They may cause certain rather involuntary contraction on our belly. What do I mean?

1.

A soprano died and went to Heaven. At the pearly gates, she was stopped by St. Peter who asked, "Well, how many false notes did you sing in your life?"

She answers, "Three."

"Three times, fellows!" says Pete, and along comes an angel and sticks the soprano three times with a needle.

"Ow! What was that for?" asks the soprano.

Pete explains, "The rule in heaven is that we stick you once for each false note you've sung down on Earth."

"Oh,"
says the soprano. She is just about to step through the gates when she
suddenly hears a horrible screaming from behind a door.

"Oh my goodness,
what is that?" asks the soprano, horrified.

"Oh," says Pete, "that's a tenor we got some time back. He's just about to start his third week on our sewing machine." .

2.

Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside.

Hurt and a little dejected, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?"

"Of course, Dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."


3.  And here are some questions and answers about them:


Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.
A: She was known as the deep C diva.

Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
A: About 20 pounds.

Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?
A: When the other tenors notice.

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, "It's too high for him."

version 2
Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high.

Overhead at a concert:
A: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.
B  Yes, but it's worse if he doesn't realize it.

Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?
A: It's professional caution.  Son, don't you find it more difficult to hit a moving target?


Q: What's an opera
A: Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.


Have a fun weekend.





7 則留言:

  1. ╔♫╗─────────╔╗─♥──
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    星期日 愉快 Elzorro
    [版主回覆05/26/2013 21:24:48]Have a happy weekend. You may even like to sing !

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  2. Thank you for the weekend fun.
    Have a nice weekend!
    [版主回覆05/26/2013 21:26:06]It's a bit late. But better late than never!

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  3. I believe the angels can't ask for maximum work hours if the same treatment is needed for the local pop singers.
    [秋山女!:)回覆05/28/2013 04:27:39]Zorro I agree with what u said ! I want to be like an angel singing nonstop whether men like it or not sorry as long as my master loves it fine !
    [版主回覆05/27/2013 10:19:53]We're told that not burdened by "bodies", work hours don't mean anything to angels. Perhaps angels simply love to work for all eternity simply because there is no greater joy than having the chance to see God all the time? .

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  4. Good fun! have a wonderful week ahead!
    [版主回覆05/27/2013 10:19:22]Same to you.

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  5. Swans sing before they die. But I would rather some singers die before they sing.
    [版主回覆05/27/2013 14:46:48]Not Edith Piaf, Amanda McBroom, Esther Ofarim, Ricardo, Domingo, Pavarotti, Rolando Villazón, Anna Netbrbko etc.

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  6. 秋山女!:)2013年5月28日 凌晨4:25

    [版主回覆05/28/2013 08:35:08]Hope you'll recover soon.

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  7. It's brave and cool to sing even when getting stabbed in the back.
    [版主回覆05/30/2013 10:26:22]〔he/she dies〕!
    [Peter回覆05/30/2013 10:14:26]As this is not enough, Shakespeare sometimes would like to make sure that the protagonist is stone dead with an affirmative note: "dies".
    [版主回覆05/29/2013 08:37:58]In the same way that Desdemona says, "I'm dying" and then keeps on talking for a further several full pages, not forgetting from time to time, to intersperse it with a repetition of the exact same sentence, "I'm dying" in Shakespeare's Othello. before she mercifully consents to actually stop talking and "dies" on the stage!

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