Weekend Fun

Just saw a wonderful film on a famous French singer. Her songs were moving. So was the film. But singers can be moving parts of the human torso they never intended. They may cause certain rather involuntary contraction on our belly. What do I mean?

1.

A soprano died and went to Heaven. At the pearly gates, she was stopped by St. Peter who asked, "Well, how many false notes did you sing in your life?"

She answers, "Three."

"Three times, fellows!" says Pete, and along comes an angel and sticks the soprano three times with a needle.

"Ow! What was that for?" asks the soprano.

Pete explains, "The rule in heaven is that we stick you once for each false note you've sung down on Earth."

"Oh,"
says the soprano. She is just about to step through the gates when she
suddenly hears a horrible screaming from behind a door.

"Oh my goodness,
what is that?" asks the soprano, horrified.

"Oh," says Pete, "that's a tenor we got some time back. He's just about to start his third week on our sewing machine." .

2.

Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside.

Hurt and a little dejected, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?"

"Of course, Dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."


3.  And here are some questions and answers about them:


Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.
A: She was known as the deep C diva.

Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
A: About 20 pounds.

Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?
A: When the other tenors notice.

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, "It's too high for him."

version 2
Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high.

Overhead at a concert:
A: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.
B  Yes, but it's worse if he doesn't realize it.

Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?
A: It's professional caution.  Son, don't you find it more difficult to hit a moving target?


Q: What's an opera
A: Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.


Have a fun weekend.