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2014年6月8日 星期日

Weekend Fun

It' was so hot and there was so much smog. No chance of any good photos. So in I went into the pool. Fortunately, there's weren't that many people really interested in swimming. They just wanted to laze around the pool, get a tan and be able to tell their friends later that they actually bestirred themselves for a real good dip. They would'nt be lying. Their chest would be as far the water went up to. And if they got their hair wet, it'd probably be the result of sprays from naughty kids splashing around the pool or from the shower head in the swimming pool changing room. Swimming is good. I'd be very surprised if anyone who had ever been into a swimming pool were to tell me that he/she had never once peed in the pool.

Here's a thoughtful pool sign: 


"Welcome to our _OOL.
Notice there is no "P" in it. We'd like you to keep it that way.
We don't swim in your toilet.
Please don't pee in our pool." 


Here's another swimming pool joke:

Bill Gates decided to hold a contest for the lawyers. Whoever wins gets to handle all of Microsoft's business.
The day of the event, the Gates' estate is swamped with lawyers, all eager for the nod from the richest man in the world.
"Gentlemen," Gates starts, "please follow me."
He leads them to an enormous swimming pool.

It's filled with piranhas.
He snaps his fingers. With that, a servant opens the door.
A cow rushes out and stumbles into the pool.
In no time at all, all that's left are some cow bones.
Gates says, "Any man who can swim the length of that pool shall represent me in all my business and personal dealings."
Instantly, a lawyer named Carl pitches into the water.
Furiously he swims across the pool, hauls himself out and stands there panting.
"Bravo!" shouts Gates. "You have proven to me how much you want my business."
"Yes, of course, but there's something I want even more than that" Carl gasps.
"What's that?"
"The name of the bastard who pushed me in."
 

Desert Island
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.
Man: "Hi! Am I happy to see you."!
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "Ten years!"
With that, the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man some cigarettes.
Man: "Oh thank you so much!"
Girl: "Now, tell me how long it's been since you had a drink?"
Man: "Ten years"
The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and passes it to the man. 

Man: "Oh. Thank you so much. You are an angel"
Finally the girl starts to unzip the front of her wet suit and asks the man bemurely,
"So tell me then, have you been bored?"
The man looked at her and said excitedly: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a surfboard in there too?" 



Happy weekend.