Weekend Fun

Not only is this weekend hot, it's polluted. There's hardly any movement of air. The pollution index in many parts of HK went up to almost 10. It's not a joking matter. So I sought refuge in the swimming pool. But there can be other reliefs too from such pollution.

1. 
A woman called her husband and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for dinner on his way home. 
The husband arrived at the store and began to look all over for them and couldn't find them.
He decided to ask a food stacker where they were.
The guy "What are you talking about? "
The husband said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with poisonous chemicals? "
"No sir, you will have to do that yourself."

2. 
The leaders of Europe are all sitting around a table at the Copenhagen Climate Change summit.
After the initial pleasantries, Gordon Brown speaks first. “I will end climate change, just like I ended boom and bust! I will be tough on Climate Change and tough on the causes of climate change! Britain will spend “£200 billion on fighting Climate Change this year!”
Before Brown has even sat back down, Angela Merkel of Germany begins to speak.
“That’s nothing! We will spend €300 billion on fighting climate change!”
Nicolas Sarkozy of France speaks next; “We will end zis climate change. We will spend €1 trillion on fighting climate change!”
Attention now turns to the president of Armenia, he stands and meekly announces: “We have budgeted to spend $1,000 on fighting climate change over the next 10 years.”
People around the table begin to snigger.
Embarrassed, the Armenian president slams his fist onto the table and shouts “Ok, ok, we will spend $100 trillion on climate change!”.
The sniggering around the table has now become hysterics;
“How will you afford that?”
“Well” the Armenian president began, “The real figure was a bit low, so I just made some up. Isn’t that how it works around here?”

3.
Two planets meet. The first one asks: “How are you?”
“Not so well”, the second answered “I’ve got the Homo Sapiens.”
“Don’t worry,” the other replied, “I had the same. That won’t last long.”

4. 
An environmentalist dies and reports to the pearly gates. 
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an environmentalist–you’re in the wrong place.” 
Thinking that heaven could never make an error, the environmentalist reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the environmentalist gets dissatisfied with the environment in hell and starts implementing eco-friendly improvements.
After a while, global warming, air and water pollution are under control.
The landscape is covered with grass and plants, the food is organic, and the people are happy.
The environmentalist has become a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got clean air and water, the temperature is better and the food tastes better, and there’s no telling what this environmentalist is going to fix next.”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an environmentalist? That’s a mistake–he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan says, “No way. I like having an environmentalist on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

Thinking of going out? You'd do much better to stay indoors and watch football on on squawk box!