How is it possible that one has so much work to do within the space of just one week!!! Whatever might have been the reason, thanks to God, there is now something called Saturday in English, Samedi in French and Sabado in Spanish! For me, Saturdays always spell fun. So let's have some. And for ladies, there is one topic they will never have enough of: the folly of men! So here are some in Question and Answer Form.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They're all already married.
Can't help wondering if there will somehow be more smiling ladies and less miserable men at the mercy of those who must be obeyed this weekend.
Hilarious
回覆刪除Q & A’s Thank you very much for them. Here’s my 2 cents share:
This guy's wife asks, "Honey if I died
would you remarry?"
He replies, "Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all need
companionship, I guess I would."
She says, "If I died and you remarried, would she live in this
house?"
He replies, "We've spent a lot of time and money getting this house just
the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house, I guess she
would."
So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,
would she sleep in our bed?"
and he says, "That bed is brand new, we just paid two thousand dollars for
it, it's going to last a long time, I guess she would."
So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,
and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"
and he says, "Oh no, she's left handed."
[版主回覆05/14/2011 11:23:00]Thank you so much. Yours is so cheeky!
Thanks Elzorro
回覆刪除Those Q & A are funny ...
[版主回覆05/15/2011 07:01:00]Glad you enjoyed them. Come visit more often!
Good morning, my dear old friend! ...I'm a leopard or ( Quote:... a man with half a brain?) ...Of course, I'm half leopard ( half animal) and half man ... " Half Saturday, half Sunday, Zero work day... Saturday night fever is history, Half fun, half game and half satisfaction... Sunday morning is sleepy, Zero work zero pay, the minimum wage, Work could be fun, who said that ? Day in day out, it's Sunday morning..."
回覆刪除[版主回覆05/15/2011 07:01:00]What does it matter whether we got a whole brain, half a brain or no brains at all so long as we can have fun at least once in a week!
哈哈.. 太忙冇黎好耐添.. 仲保留星期六趣事編. 真好呢
回覆刪除[版主回覆05/16/2011 14:52:00]Hope you're enjoying your new work more!
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? they earn, their wives spend. Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions. and these days, not only do they not believe the satnav but argue with it !!
回覆刪除[版主回覆05/16/2011 14:56:00]That's part of the fun of having men around! You'll never die of boredom! On top of that, usually money will flow as freely as beer from a tap of a pub!
Tell me why men portray the image of God as a man instead of a woman and you will know the A to these Qs.
回覆刪除[版主回覆05/17/2011 13:36:00]Which questions are you referring to?