When I looked out of the window this morning, I found a hazy, hot and humid sky. What a drag! Fortunately, there're always ways to beat an unobliging sky. There ain't no nothin' a polluted sky can do to stop us from having some Saturday fun even at the expense of Heaven(s) (?)
1 Dinner with God
Seymour was a good and pious man. When he passed away, the Lord personally greeted him at the Pearly Gates.
"Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked.
"I could eat," said Seymour.
The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it.
While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasants, pastries and vodka.
The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he was hungry and Seymour again said, "I could eat."
Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared.
Down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy and chocolates.
The following day, mealtime arrived. Another can of tuna was opened.
Seymour said meekly, "Lord, I am very happy to be here. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna! In the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand."
"To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it really pay to cook?"
2 He who is without Sin
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly, a stone hurled from the sky knocked the woman down.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm jest trying to make a point down here!"
3. Hells' In Bad Shape
There was a fence that divided Heaven from Hell.
One day God notices that the devil's side is in pretty bad shape. It is falling down and badly in need of paint, weeds growing up around it, etc.
God hollers over the fence, “Hey Satan, why don't you fix up your side of the fence?”
Satan hollers back, “Why don't you mind your own business!”
So God says, “I'll hire a lawyer and sue you if you don't.”
The devil replies, "Yeah, right. Where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"
Have an enjoyable weekend, hazy sky or not!
So all lawyers are on Satan's side !
回覆刪除[版主回覆05/21/2011 11:00:00]Thanks to the others, they're forced to live forever in a human hell! For their pains, they got caviar, champagne etc, all of which will hasten their journey to eternity!
I like #2 ^-^
回覆刪除In the reality, people would only see others' fault, mistake, sin, unfair, but how other self ???
typo...
回覆刪除"how abour self"...
love the 1st and 3rd ones
回覆刪除thanks you for your weekend jokes
Good evening, my dear old friend! ...I'd rather had dinner with myself... ...( Just for a laugh...) I'd rather had dinner with the Devil if I could exchange places with Him... ...(For a bigger laugh...) I'd rather had dinner with God, only if and only if I'm still alive... " Dinner with God, no sins ... With God, I'm prayin' for all the best things to come to me, God help me, No no no... Can't I make a wish? Sins since Adam has eaten the Big Apple..."
回覆刪除Why is a practitioner of law called a lawyer and not lawer? And why is a person who mows called a mower and not a mowyer? This has nothing to do with the jokes but just something that popped in my mind while I was reading the blog.
回覆刪除[版主回覆05/22/2011 19:40:00]I don't know the correct answer. But I suppose that it may have to do with the sound of the word. "Lawer" sounds too dangerously close to "lower"!