Fun for Travellers

Since I am on holidays, the idea naturally occurs to post something related to my condition. It happens that owing to the very real need to earn travellers dollars everywhere, shopkeepers, restaurant owners and small family type or even bigger hotels and sometimes rural village or town authorities would occasionally put up helpful notes about their service, its availability or its suspension under specified conditions. Sometimes such helpful hints produced by people who have little ideas about the intricacies of the English language can be a source of some unexpected fun for the lucky travellers. What follows are some samples of such windfalls.

1.  On a French passenger jet: Live West
Under Your Seat.

2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed
for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be
unbearable.

3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at
the front desk.

4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to
complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily.

5. In a
Yugoslavian, now Macedonian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of
the chambermaid.

6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take
advantage of the chambermaid.

7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across
from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where
famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried
daily except Thursday.

8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not
to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
ascension.

 9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice
cream.

10. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you
nothing to hope for.

11. Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may
have a fit upstairs.

12. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.

13. At a Bangkok dry
cleaners: Drop you trousers here for best results.

14. At a Rhodes
tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.

15. A sign posted in Germany's Black
Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that
people of different sex live together in one tent unless they are
married with each other for that purpose.

16. In a Zurich hotel: Because
of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

17. In
an advertisement by a Korean dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest
Methodists.

18. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and
spend the afternoon having a good time.

19. At a Budapest zoo: Please do
not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the
guard on duty.

20. At an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally
passed all the water served here.

21. At a Tokyo shop: Our
nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long
run.

22. A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in
your room, please control yourself.

23. From a brochure of a car rental
firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
passage, then tootle him with vigor.

24. In a Bangkok temple: It is
forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

25. In a
Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in
all directions.

26. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your
first visit to the USSR, you are welcom to it.

27. In a Tokyo hotel: Is
forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do
such thing is please not to read notis.

28. In a Leipzig elevator: Do
not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

29. On the menu of a
Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finder; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers
beaten up in the country people's fashion.


Have a nice week end.