Women, women, women

Women are always fascinating to men. No matter how many times men got burnt, they still hanker after those incomprehensible creatures. I sometimes wonder if it's really necessary for God to create hell for menfolks. He's probably already done that the moment he took a bone from Adam's rib cage. Could it be the case that deep down, all men have an irresistible urge for masochism?

1.     The revised Genesis

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created
Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor
Man has rested.

2.    A 5-Storey Hotel
 
A group of girlfriends is on vacation and see a 5-story hotel
with a sign that reads, "For Women Only."
Since they are without their
boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very
attractive guy, explains to them how it works: "We have 5 floors. Go up
floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay
there. Its easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you whats
inside."
They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads,
"All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and
without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second
floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this is'nt
good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor
and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still
want to do better, and so, knowing there nare still two floors left,
they continue on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the
men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about
to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth
floor.
On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men
here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please
a woman."

2.     Women's Wedding gown

On the eve of his wedding night, a fresh-faced lad asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

3.     An Advertisement

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."


4.  A genie

 A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "You released me from the lamp,...This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "Ive always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish."
The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "Ive been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they're crying, know what they really want when they say nothing, and know how to make them truly happy."
The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

5. Another genie

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand.
He decided to open it.
Inside was a genie. The genie said," I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only."
The man thought about his first wish and decided, "I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account"
POOF! He got that.
Next he wished for a fiery red Ferrari.
POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him.
He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women."
POOF!
He turned into a box of chocolates.

6.     Question: What is a woman ?
        Answer:  A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad and who, when he says, "Now what are you mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."

8.     Doing the Dishes

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. "Now what should I do?"
His mother has an idea. "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy.
A week later the woman came to dinner.
His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. " I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
 " What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.
 " We hadn't started eating yet."

9.     Punctuations

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

10.     A Miracle

At a family gathering, a husband began teasing his wife about how she always get her way.
"Honey," she said to her husband, "when I get my way, that's a compromise."
"What is it when I get my way?" he was quick to ask.
 She replied, "That's a miracle!"

11.     Smart women

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."


12.    Silence

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months! I don't like to interrupt her.


13.     A scientific finding

Overheard at a bar.
A: John, do you know that scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
John: Oh, that's interesting. What's that?
A: Wedding cakes.

14.  Clothes

Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to
take her shopping for a new dress.
He endured more than two hours of
listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress
accentuated.
As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the
last selection, she asked for her husbands opinion. By this time, he had
learned just the right things to say. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It
makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer and slenderizes
your hips."
Just then, another voice from the next dressing room piped up. "If
there's a dress here that will do all that, I'll take ten!"

15.    Q & A on Women or Wine

        Q: Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine
        A:  It depends on the age.

16.    Q & A on women's looks
 
         Q:  Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving
their minds?
         A:   Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

17.   Some simple Logic

        Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance
        Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
        Dumb
Man + Smart Woman = Affair
        Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

Have a fun weekend !