Saturday Fun (星期六笑話)

This year, we got the Chinese New Year between two weekends. So adding in a couple days more, smart guys and gals will be soaking up lemonade and sun on some tropical beaches or dancing their heads off amidst the din of heavy South American rhythms in some exotic night clubs. Travelling nowadays is no longer a "luxury". More a "necessity"! So, let's have some traveling fun.

1. Crossing the border

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.
"Sand," said the cyclist.
"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.
The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags. They contained nothing but sand. He reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.
Two weeks later, the same thing happened.
Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand.
This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.
A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown.
Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?"
"Bicycles!"

2.  A Helpful Wife

A police officer had just pulled a car over.
When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?" To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you."
Just then the man's wife leaned forward from the driver's seat and said with a very loud voice, "I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going."
The man then turned to his wife and yelled "Shut up stupid!" The policeman continued, "And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m.p.h. and the speed limit is only 30."
His wife then leaned forward again and squawked "I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me."
And again the man shouted at his wife "Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!"
The policeman then looked at the woman and said "does he always talk to you this way?"
The woman budged in:"Only when he has been drinking."

3. Stay over one night

A Hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the Hindu volunteered to go to the barn.
A few moments later, there was a knock on the bedroom door.
The Hindu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and since cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered.
A few moments later, there was another knock on the door.
The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that being very orthodox, he could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn.
A few moments later there was a knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig!

4.  16 Ways of Knowing You're in the Desert

    You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
    You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
    You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
    You can make instant sun tea.
    You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
    The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
    You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
    You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
    You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
    Hot water now comes out of both taps.
    It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
    You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
    You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
    No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
    Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
    You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

Happy Birthday. it's every one's birthday today!  Have fun over the weekend. Just make sure you're sober Monday morning.