Weekend Fun (週末樂一樂)

It's a while since I wrote my last blog. Just back from a holiday. The first thing I did after I got off the plane, I rushed to the Cultural Centre for the opening concert of the HKPO for the season which also happens to be its 40th anniversary concert. Music is something I can't do without. But there is more than one way of having fun with music. Here are some. I'll start with some simple Q & A's .

1. 
Q: Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
A: They've had so little use.

2.
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the sound.

3.
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

4.
Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

5. 
Q: How do you get a violist to play down bow staccato?
A: Put a "tenuto" mark over a whole note and mark it "solo."

6. 
Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
A: Write "pp, espressivo" on the music.

7.  
Q: What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO?
A: You can negotiate with the PLO.

8. 
Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
A: No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

9.
Q: What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: There is not much overall difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

10. 
Q: How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
A: Sell it and buy a violin. 


Not all musician's jokes need be in one format. Musicians are never known for discipline. So here are two more in the form of an anecdote.

11. 
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. 
"I'm sorry, he's dead," comes the reply. 
The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply form the receptionist. 
At last she asks him why he keeps calling. 
"I just like to hear you say it."

12.
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. 
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." 
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years."

Have fun over the weekend or what's left of it.