Saturday Fun

The past week has been pretty hectic because I needed to prepare materials for a coming talk. Fortunately, I'll be going on another short trip today. But since it's Saturday and a blogger has intimated the desire that he'd really like to "go" on a Saturday, I feel somehow obliged not to disappoint him, just in case, not that there is any real danger that he would really "go". God forbid! Nothing of the sort would be further from my mind.  So here they go.

                                                    1

An Englishman,
Frenchman,
Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane
when
the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having

mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is

for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can
survive"


The four open the door and look out below.

The Englishman
takes a deep
breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and
jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and

he also jumps.



This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers
"Remember the Alamo" and
he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of
the plane.


                                                      2


A
fellow stopped at a rural gas
station. After filling his tank, he
paid the bill and bought a
soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his
cola. Whilst he was doing so, he watched a
couple of men working along the roadside.

One man
would dig a hole
two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man
would come along
from behind and would in the hole. While one was digging a new
hole, the
other, usually about 25 feet behind, would be filling in the old.

The men
worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the
road.

"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash

container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold
it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's
going on here
with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government, "
one of the men said.



"But one of you is digging a hole and the
other is filling it up.
You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's
money?"

"You don't
understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his
shovel and wiping
his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney
and Mike. I
dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts
the dirt
back."

"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick,
that don't
mean we can't work, does it?"


                                                        3

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One
sat in the window seat, the other in
the middle seat. 

Just before
takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got
on and took the aisle seat next to the
Arabs. He kicked off his
shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke." 

"No
problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." 

While he
was gone,
the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the

Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good.

I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Israeli obligingly
went to fetch it, and while he is gone
the Arab other picked up the
other shoe and spit in it. 

The Israeli
returned with the coke, and
they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight
to New York. 

As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe
s
and knew immediately what had happened. 

"How long must
this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples..... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
peeing in
coke?"

                                                        4

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a

hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very

excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and
jumping up
at him.

"Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to
the lady.

"Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the
dog up and
threw it over a wall.


                                                         5

A tanned fisherman docked in a tiny Mexican
village.

An American tourist complimented the
Mexican fisherman on
the quality of his fish and asked how long it took
him to catch
them.


"Not very long," answered the Mexican.



"But then, why
didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the

tourist.



The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet
his
needs and those of his family.



The tourist asked, "So
what do you do with the rest of your time?"



"I sleep late, fish a
little, play with my children, spend time with
my wife... In the
evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have
a few drinks,
play the guitar, chase the senioras, and sing a few
songs. I have a
full life."



The tourist said, "I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and
I can help you.
You should start by fishing longer every day. You
can then sell the
extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue
, you can buy a bigger boat.
With the extra money the larger boat
will bring, you can buy a second one
and a third one and so on
until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your
fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly
with the processing
plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can
then leave this
little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or
even New
Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."



"How long
would that take,  Señor?" asked the Mexican.



"Twenty, perhaps
twenty-five years," replied the tourist.



"And after that?" asked the
Mexican.


"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting,"
answered the
tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you
can start
selling stocks and make millions!"


"Millions?
Really?" asked the Mexican. "And after that?"



The tourist replied,
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a
tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch
a few
fish, spend time with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking
and
playing the guitar with your friends!"

Have a nice weekend!