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2013年6月15日 星期六

Saturday Fun (週末一笑)

I've been reading a bit of philosophy. It's time consuming. No blogs for a week! Sometimes I wonder if it's not a waste of time. But whether it is or not, it makes difficult but on occasions fascinating reading. What do I mean?

1.

Dean, to the physics department.
"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

2.

The First Law of Philosophy: for every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: they're both wrong.


3.

What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Body? Never Mind.


4.


The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre was sitting in a cafe when a waitress approached him: "Can I get you something to drink, Monsieur Sartre?"
Sartre replied, "Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream please".
Nodding agreement, the waitress walked off to fill the order and Sartre returned to working.
A few minutes later, however, the waitress returned and said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur Sartre, we are all out of cream -- how about with no milk?"


5.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?"
She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
He ends up in the girl's bed,doing something else
and thinking about something else .


6.

Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Theology is a game whose object is to bring rules into the subjective.


7.

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.
"In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."
"And have you found an answer?"
"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."
"That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"
"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."
He goes back into the closet..

8.

Two freshman philosophy students see the following bulletin posted on the wall of their lecture hall: Crash Course in Logical Assumptions. Saturday, 15th June 2013. All Day.
Neither of them knows what it means and they are both curious.
The pair decide to find the professor and ask some questions.
When they locate the professor's office, the bolder of the two enter the building while the other remains outside.
Student: "Uh...Sir..What does Crash Course in Logical Assumptions mean?"
Professor: "Well, it involves taking information that you have, forming assumptions using logic, and then creating new information. Let me try to answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
Student: "Uh...Yes, I do."
Professor: "Well, then I can now logically assume that you drive."
Student: "Yes, I drive. "
Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you drive on weekends."
Student: "Yeah, I drive on weekends, I go out on dates."
Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you have date partners."
Student: "Well, yes, I have a girlfriend."
Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you are heterosexual."
Student: "Uh...hell yes! OK, I think I understand what this course is about now. Thanks a lot for your time."
Once back outside, his friend asks him: "So, what's it all about?"
"Its about using information and stuff...Let me answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
"No."
"Uh...Then you're homosexual, dude!"

9.

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly, Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

10.

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.


11.

What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?
About 50,000 a year.


12.

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."
So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.
Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades...and to the amazement of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.
His answer to the question: "What chair?"



13.

Definition of Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.


14.

A great truth is a truth whose opposite is also a great truth.


15.
How philosophers do it...
Philosophers do it deeper.
Philosophers do it a posteriori.
Philosophers do it consistently.
Philosophers do it conceptually.
Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
Philosophers do it with their minds.
Philosophers think about doing it.
Philosophers wonder why they did it.



16.

Nietzsche: GOD IS DEAD.
God: NIETZSCHE IS DEAD.
Nietzsche (in the afterlife): WELL, AT LEAST I CONTINUE TO LIVE IN THE MINDS OF EXISTENTIALISTS AND POST-MODERNISTS!
God (elsewhere): WELL, AT LEAST I CONTINUE TO EXIST IN THE MINDS OF FUNDAMENTALISTS AND RELIGIOUS FANATICS!
Nietzsche: AT LEAST, THERE IS ONE COMMON THING TO US . . . FANATICS BELIEVE US!
God: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Nietzsche: DON'T YOU KNOW THAT EXISTENTIALISTS AND POST-MODERNISTS HAVE ALSO GONE FANATICAL?
God: WELL, BEING OMNISCIENT, I KNOW EVERYTHING EXCEPT THOSE SAID BY POST-MODERNISTS COZ EVERY TIME I EXPRESS MY OWN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THEY SAY, THEY KEEP ON CHANGING WHAT THEY MEAN . . . BY THE HOUR . . . BY THE MINUTE . . .
Nietzsche: HA-HA-HA!! THEY LEARNED IT FROM ME!! AND THEY WILL SOON BE LINING UP FOR THE MENTAL ASYLUMS . . . LIKE ME.


17.

Before marriage, a man may have no particular philosophy
After marriage, he may become a philosopher: through trying to understand his wife.


Have a happy weekend, not thinking, I hope.


12 則留言:

  1. I don't want to be a philosopher. It's no fun having found an answer for everything.
    [Lương Bằng Tâm回覆06/16/2013 19:08:59]We learn philosophy not in order to understand it, because we never will.
    We learn philosophy in order to understand that any point of view of any man on earth can be acceptable in one way or another, however different it may be from ours.
    [版主回覆06/15/2013 23:50:45]You don't need to be. The fun of being a philosopher is to learn that there's ain't any right answers to any questions which means that you can have an acceptable answer to practically any kind of questions from some point of view or other.

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  2. 謝謝分享。
    很哲學味道呢。 ^_^
    [版主回覆06/15/2013 23:51:48]There ain't much difference between fools and philosophers: each ask questions which shouldn't have been asked!

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  3. Now I wonder what you become a man of reading physolophy for a whole week (assumption is that no blogs for a week). Funny especially no. 4, no,8 and no.12
    [版主回覆06/15/2013 23:53:12]Philosophy is fun. Just that not everybody likes that kind of fun!

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  4. [版主回覆06/15/2013 23:54:14]To live without jokes for a whole week? You must be joking!

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  5. El Zorro 都成了哲學家嗎?! ~~~~~~~ 父親節快樂!
    [版主回覆06/16/2013 20:19:36]如果看了多少哲學書或文章便可成為「哲學家」,那我的「部落格」豈不是立刻變身為「哲學家」樂園?

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  6. Lương Bằng Tâm2013年6月16日 晚上7:03

    Philosophy may kill you but save your soul at last.
    [版主回覆06/17/2013 16:49:40]Philosophers like to think about things and phenomena which every "sane" person takes] for granted. As to why they do that, that's a real mystery.!
    [Lương Bằng Tâm回覆06/17/2013 10:48:15]That is the very mystery of philosophy!
    [版主回覆06/16/2013 20:23:57]I just wonder if we have any "souls" at all. If we don't, then if you're right, who it is that's replying to you?

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  7. 第五點所說的不錯,原來哲學可以如此的天馬行空…不論你明不明白!
    [版主回覆06/17/2013 16:38:14]Not to worry about whether you understand what philosophers are trying to say because far too often, they can't express clearly or in simple or easy to understand language what exactly it is they want to say

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  8. - A philosopher is a blind man in a dark cellar at midnight looking for a balck cat that is not there. He is distinguished from a theologian, in that the theologian finds the cat.

    - Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.
    [版主回覆06/17/2013 21:53:56]A philosopher occasionally finds some light but the theologian imagines that he's already basking in the full sunlight. If the theologian finds the cat, he'll find out too that the cat is not really how he expects it to look. The cat is aloof and would only allow itself to be touched at its own pleasure.
    What kind of sex? Dull or delightful or daft?

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  9. ∪△∪ 轉眼明日又星期三啦
    [版主回覆06/20/2013 15:20:27]Reminds me I've wasted too much time!

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  10. 離家六日剛回,梭羅哥哥才更新了一次,最近很忙嗎?
    [無明十郎回覆06/20/2013 21:37:52]當一個智者/學者提升更高境界時,就會如此。
    先恭喜了!
    [版主回覆06/20/2013 15:21:08]Very. Reading, Thinking. Getting Baffled!

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  11. [版主回覆06/23/2013 14:05:46]see new post done at your request. hope you like them.

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  12. Definition of Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing - so why does it survive?
    [版主回覆07/02/2013 17:57:38]The answer is simple. They survive because there are still people who fancy themselves "philosophers" and there are others who think they can learn something from such "philosophers", even though all they learn from the former is that the philosophers don't always have the kind of answers they have in their mind when they start reading them. Yet that in itself may also be a useful learning experience!

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