Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unision?
A: Shoot One.
Q: What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.
Q: What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they both suck.
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None-- they just steal someone else's light OR one to change the bulb and 4 to watch him and say "I can do better than that." OR only one-- but he'll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
Q: In the 22nd Century, how many guitarists will it take to change a light source?
A: 5-- One to do it and 4 to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Q: How does a Lead Guitarist change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it and the world revolves around him.
Q: What's the difference between a fiddle & a violin?
A: Who cares - neither one's a guitar!
Q: What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
A: You can negotiate with the PLO.
Q: Why do guitarists have to be awake by six o'clock?
A: Because most shops close by six thirty.
Q: Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
A: So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q: What do you do if your rhythm guitarist is drowning?
A: Throw him his amp.
Q: What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless…
Q: How does a guitar player show he’s planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: What do you call a successful guitarist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.
Q: What do you call in “in-tune electric guitar?”
A: An oxymoron.
Q: What do you tell a guitarist that is freaking out?
A: Don’t fret.
Q: What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit?
A: “Will the defendant please rise …”
Q: What is the first sign you’re hallucinating?
A: Two guitar players are playing in tune.
Q: What’s the difference between a guitarist and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What’s the difference between a guitar player and a certificate of deposit?
A: The CD will eventually mature and make money.
Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.
Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A: Counterpoint.
Q: How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
A: Nobody knows.
Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A: A guitar player with a business card or one with a mortage
Q: What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?
A: Big Mac and large fries please!
Q: How long does a guitar stay in tune?
A: About twenty minutes, or until someone plays it.
Q: Why was the amplifier invented?
A: So the guitarist would have a place to put his beer.
Q: What did the blues guitarist’s tombstone read?
A: “I didn’t wake up this morning.”
Q: How can you tell when an electric guitar is out of tune?
A: The strings are vibrating.
Q: What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A: Depends on how far you throw it.
Q: What do you call a stressed guitar player?
A: Strung out!
Q : What is a gentleman?
A: A guitarist who can play fusion but doesn’t.
Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Q: Why bury guitarists six feet under?
A: Because deep down they are very nice people.
Q: How do you make a guitarist’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.
Q: How do you make a chain saw sound like an Electric Guitar?
A: Add vibrato.
Q: What’s the difference between an Electric Guitar and an Acoustic Guitar?
A: The Electric Guitar burns longer.
Johnny : “Mommy, Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!”
Mom: “Now Johnny, you can’t do both!”
I suppose that'll do for this week. Have fun listening to some guitarists who actually got CD's under their own name this week. But be prepared for some tough leg work.
沒有留言:
張貼留言