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2015年5月23日 星期六

Jokes which smell of Sashimi (略帶魚生味的笑話)

To my mind, the Japanese are a really special people. They are ever so polite, so meticulous and so disciplined. They appear to always prefer acting as a group and place extremely high value on the concept of "honor". Probably, this might have been the result of their famous "samurai" tradition or "bushido". Whether or not some or all of such characteristics are still true of contemporary Japanese may surely be found by observing the conduct of such Japanese friends as we may have around us. Whatever the result of such observation may or may not confirm, there is little doubt that "stereotypes" of what Japanese are like are still quite prevalent in the West.
 

1. Japanese mugger

What does a Japanese mugger say?
"Give me all your money or I'll kill myself!"


2.  Kamikaze

Why did the Japanese Kamikaze pilot fly back to the base?
He forgot his helmet.




3. Japanese stranded on a desert island

On a beautiful deserted tropical island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
Two American men and one American woman
Two Australian men and one Australian woman
Two New Zealand men and one New Zealand woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman

Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

One month later this would probably have been what happened:

One of the two Italian men has killed the other for the woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are talking about football, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving - but hey, at least the taxes are low and it's not raining.
The two Australian men beat each into a bloody mess for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men after calling them both wankers'.
Both the New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few bottles of coconut whisky, but at least the English are not getting any.
The two Japanese men have texted Tokyo and are awaiting further instructions.


4. Three samurai and a fly

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.
After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his katana and swish, the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two.

"What a feat!" said the Emperor."Samurai Number Two, show me what you do."

The Chinese samurai bowed, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his katana and swish, swish, the fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.

"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Samurai Number Three?"

The Jewish samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, releasing one fly, drew his katana and swoooooosh, flourished his katana so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish samurai. "Dead is easy. Circumcision . . . that takes skill!"


The last one must have been written by a Jew. If the jokes are not sufficient to lift your moods, perhaps you might try to have some nice sashimis from some of the better Japanese restaurants here?