Saturday Fun (星期六趣味)

Serious reading is always tough but then, if you are convinced, sometimes against all hopes, that there must be some precious nuggets hidden somewhere inside those forbidding looking volumes, I'm afraid you just got to bite your lips and sit it through.  But it'd be entirely different if you were to turn to some lighter subjects, internet jokes, for instance.

1.

One day, a man came home.
He was greeted by his wife in some translucent lace lingerie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "And ....you can do anything you want."
He tied her up and went to the bar.

2.

In a tiny village lived an old maid. 
Her body told her she would meet her maker soon, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long afterwards, she died, untouched..
The undertaker told his smart men what the lady wanted.
The men worked on it and delivered her tombstone much much quicker than he expected.
He looked at the new tombstone and found the words: "Returned unopened."

3.

Three years into a relationship now, a man was beginning to have some erection difficulties.
She bought him some Viagra.
He bought her a treadmill.

4.

Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home.
The first says, "Windy, isn't it?"
The second says, "No, it's Thursday!"
The third says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

5.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, "Mypenis"
When the wife looks at the computer screen, she falls on the ground laughing.
So the man also takes a look at the computer screen. 
It says: "Error. Not long enough."

6.

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

If you're reading anything at all over the weekend, make sure it's not serious.