Bostonian Jokes

Just returned last night from Boston, home to
the famous "Boston Tea Party", one of the principal fomenters and
promoters of the American War of Independence from England and also home to
Harvard and MIT. It's in Massachusetts, a New England state. There I saw a march past
of the old Artillery Guards, founded in the 17th century, in the leading central position, flanked by other army,
navy and airforce officers, in front of the Old State House, dressed up in full pomp and circumstance to the sound of fife and drums at precisely 10 a.m. on the morning of the 4th July, the
Independence Day of America. The Old State House is the first state house
of assembly of Massachusetts where they have enshrined its state constitution.
Boston is full of history. Boston is different!

Bostonians speak with a peculiar vocabulary
and accent you seldom find anywhere else in America e.g. They can live in a
"three decka"  (a three- storey house in which each floor is an
independent apartment). Every one wears jeans in America but there they'd say
they wear "dungarees". Any car that's in a "rotary"
(traffic roundabout) will have right of way. You do not do U-turns in Boston.
You "bang a U-ey"! They'd  have a "bizaah" (weird)
bubblah (bubbler" ) instead of a fountain in a "gahden"
(garden.)

You don't go to COPEly Square ("The"
town square" or city centre where the famous Boston Public Library is )
but to "COPley" nor to "Commonwealth Avenue, Massachusetts
Avenue or Dorchester Avenue (main streets in Boston around COPley) but to
" Comm. Ave, Mass. Ave and Dot. Ave." and  Worcester isn't
" WOOster", it's "Wisstah"

They'd "run down cella (to the basement)
and get us a dishtowel outta the drya. (drier" ). They would have
"regulah" (regular) coffee, a tonic (soda), a Frappe (a milk shake)
or Fudge-icle ( Fudgesicle) ( a frozen chocolate pop) with "hermits"
( molasses and raisin bar)  and "black and whites " (half moons
or half and halfs or round, cakelike cookies with chocolate frosting on one
half, vanilla on the other) and they' d sprinkle "jimmies" (chocolate
or other sugar frosted chips) on their icecream. When you have "American
Chop Suey", this delightful dish doesn't resemble anything American or
Chinese: it's  macaroni with meat and tomato sauce!

When you "book it", it doesn't mean
to make a reservation, it merely means you high tail some place!  They'd
have to "make a packie (liquor store) run if they want a kegga (keg party)
where they can have "a pissah (good Bostonian) time (party) tryin' to
stump ya, then make fun of ya behind ya back . .. which is wicked (extremely)
mean." They'd say, "Mary-mutha-ah-gawd" (Mary, Mother of God) if
surprised.  So " Don't I ( do I) " find Boston full of
surprises? "Yah hah!" (Yes).  "Aren't I" (am I) lucky
to be there? .I'm not going to say "No Suh!" (no). Boston is indeed
full of surprises.

The Bostonians

1.  
A little Boston girl with exquisitely long golden curls and the face of an
angel came in from an afternoon walk with her nurse and said to her mother,
"Oh, Mamma, a strange woman on the street said to me, 'My, but ain't you
got beautiful hair!'"



The mother smiled but she gasped as the child innocently continued her account:



"I said to her, 'I am very glad to have you like my hair, but I am sorry
to hear you use the word "ain't"!'"

 

2. 
A tourist from the east, visiting an old prospector in his lonely cabin in the
hills, commented: "And yet you seem so cheerful and happy."



"Yes," replied the one of the pick and shovel. "I spent a week
in Boston once, and no matter what happens to me now, it seems good luck in
comparison."



3.

Justice Moody was once riding on the platform
of a Boston street car standing next to the gate that protected passengers from
cars coming on the other track.

A Boston lady came to the door of the car and,
as it stopped, started toward the gate, hidden from her by the man standing
before it.

"Other side, lady," said the
conductor.

He was ignored as only a born-and-bred
Bostonian can ignore a man. The lady took another step toward the gate.

"You must get off the other side,"
said the conductor.

"I wish to get off on this side,"
came the answer, in tones that congealed that official.

Before he could explain or expostulate Mr.
Moody came to his assistance.

"Stand to one side, gentlemen," he
remarked quietly. "The lady wishes to climb over the gate."