Some Afterlife Fun

Last night, I attended a talk on "The philosophy of afterlife" at the HKSHP. It was quite good, but not as good as I expected. As I was casting about in my mind what kind of jokes to post this weekend, naturally the word "afterlife" popped up. Why not?  So here are a number of them.

                                 1.

   A butler came running into his important
master's
office.

   "Sir, sir, there's a ghost in the corridor. What
shall I do with
him?"

    Without looking up from his work the master
said, "Tell him I
can't see him."

                                2.  

       Three
men died and were taken by God to the top of a cliff.

        God said to
them that since they had been such great outstanding citizens of
Earth that they would be given one chance to become anything that
they desired.        

       The
first man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and
shouted, "I want to be an eagle."  Instantly he was changed into an
eagle and soared off into the sunset.

        The
second man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and
shouted, "I want to be an owl."  Instantly he was changed into an owl
and soared off into the sunset.   

        The
third man ran towards the edge of the cliff, tripped on a rock, and
shouted, "Oh shit ..."

                                3.     

         A bad  guy dies and is greeted by Saint Peter. 

         St. Peter tells
the man he must choose between three hells. 
      
        The first hell is very hot and he sees a lot of
people burning in fire.

        The next hell is freezing cold and he sees
people shivering and clamoring.

        In the third hell, he sees people
standing in shit up to their waist but they look quite happy. They are drinking a cup of coffee and are chatting with each other.

        So
the guy says to St. Peter, "I prefer the third hell."     
 
        Whoosh, he's there.  

        He gets a cup of coffee and feels quite comfortable.

        Suddenly he
hears a beep from a loud speaker that says, "Attention. Attention.
Attention. The Coffee break is over. Time now to stand on your head."

                              4.  

       Three men died.

        Before God would let them into heaven,
God gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.

        The
first guy said, "I want to come back as myself, but 100 times
smarter."

        So God
made him 100 times smarter.

         The
second guy said, "I want to be better than that guy. Make me 1000
times smarter."

         His wish was granted. He was 1000 times smarter.

         The
last guy decided he would be the best. So he said, "God, make me
better than both of them. Make me 1,000,000 times smarter."

           So God
turned him into a woman.

Have a nice weekend.