Saturday Fun (星期六笑話)

So happy that I'm now done with checking on the decorations of our new association premises and sweating as a part time coolie during the relocation. Time for something a little "lighter".  .

1. Man to a Friend:  I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

2. I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!

3.  What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love?
    "Honey, I’m home!”

4. Someone stole all my credit cards but I won’t be reporting it.
    The thief spends less than my wife did.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6.  My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night.
    Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

7. She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
    She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

8. The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
    The man couldn’t pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

9.  The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. ”
     Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”

10.     Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”
          Patient: “I am 60!”
          Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”

11.     Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.”
          Doctor: “Don’t answer!”

12.     A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
         The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”

13.     A man called his mother in Florida and asked “Mom, how are you?”
          “Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
          The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
           She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
          The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
          The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”

14.     A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
         She asks, “What part is it?”
         The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
         The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

Have a nice weekend. It's finally clearing up. Time to go out!