Originally I was writing a blog on another subject but when I was saving part of that new blog , I discovered two new comments on my previous blog and Free Bear and Freeperson asked if there would be more fun. I thought since it's Saturday and I don't have to slog at my office, why not? So if you find any further enjoyment from what follows, you know who to thank!
Since it's Double Nine Festival, there'll ll be one about parents and since it's the Jewish Sabbath, there'll be another about work on the Sabbath. So here goes.
The Grandparent's Answering Machine
Good morning...We're not at home now but please leave your message after you hear the beep....beeeeep
If you're one of our children, dial 1 and then select the options 1 to 8 as the case may be.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 1.
If you want to borrow the car, press 2.
If you want us to wash your clothes and do the ironing, press 3.
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 4.
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 5.
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 6.
If you want to come to eat here, press 7.
If you need money, press 8.
If you're going to invite us to dinner or taking us to the theatre, start talking, we're listening!
Sex on the Sabbath.
A man wonders if having sex on Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
So he goes to a Priest and asks. After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work. It is therefore not permitted on Sundays.
The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in such matters. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.
Not satisifed with the two replies, he decides to seek advice from the ultimate authority, a man from a tradition with thousands of years. He goes to a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders. Then he says, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "But, Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi speaks softly, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
Have a nice Double Nine Festival!
I think you always laugh so loud, because you love fun stories and make jokes ...
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/16/2010 22:43:00]Not only me! Are you telling me you don't like jokes!!!??? It's good that we look upon everything as fun. That way, we defeat even misery!!!
thanks elzorro
回覆刪除funny and i love them
have read your blog for a period of time
have to check if there is an increase of smiling lines on my face
[版主回覆10/16/2010 22:46:00]Nothing makes me happier than to see others smiling. I don't mind even if the joke is on me!!! I find joy in others's joy! Life is too short to be unhappy!!!
I always like listening fun stories and making jokes,
回覆刪除but I merely listen those as yours ...
Sorry, I don't mean your fun stories making me unhappy ...
I know many people like these kind of jokes ~ maybe these kinds not of my habit ...
[版主回覆10/16/2010 23:26:00]I can well understand you. It's not nice to always joke at women and sex. But whether or not it's your cup of tea, I find husband/wife and sex jokes are fnnniest precisely because they make light of otherwise serious and "sacred" taboo subjects unmentionable in any context other than jokes!!!
Funny! Funny! Funny!
回覆刪除Here's one more for you:
I Thought You Were My Wife
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
[版主回覆10/16/2010 23:22:00]Did you practice thos lines at the local bars??? Joking of course!
If life is automated, then... If there's auto-blog-answering machine, then ... " Automated... U-turn when the machine can't decide... To celebrate a new era of thinking machines, Over the top of the world, a genius machine, Mother of computer world, master the human mind, After thoughts , after calculations... Temperature rising, way above operating temper, End of flesh and blood, but a new era of dots and codes... Dancing on the moon no more, but on Mars and Venus..." Good evening, my dear old friend ! Good jokes...and good laughters!!!
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/16/2010 23:34:00]Thank you. This is not from an automated answering machine. Nor it is from either the moon, Mars or Venus. A very genuine thank you. May you remain light hearted at all times.
I don't know why you can well understand me ...
回覆刪除Howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?????????
[版主回覆10/17/2010 04:12:00](Empty)
(Empty)
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/17/2010 04:14:00](Empty)
i do love your humor !! keep it going. one cant be serious all the time......
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/17/2010 07:44:00]Usually, we appear most ridiculous when we are most serious! There is no better weapon against the "seriousness" of life than to joke about it when we got a breathing space. If the Chinese learn to joke slightly more, I don't think we'd have a Cultural Revolution! Politics too is just a game. When you "win", you "win" only the chance to be pushed over again by some other hypocrites "sly-er" or more "ruthless" or both than you, sooner or later! So...
i agree with you totally. politics and history are the 2 subjects i keep an arm's length. but i do like jokes about it, life is sometimes a joke itself anyways.
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/17/2010 08:59:00]Me too, I eschew politics but unfortunately no one can escape politics. Neither can we escape history. You are right, life too can be a joke and often is. Jokes enabe us to always keep a certain distance from things ordinary people regard as unalterably serious: family, work, politics, even life itself. They keep us sane.