Saturday Morning Funtime

As on every weekend, I tried to find something light to write about. I went through my store of jokes sent me by my friends through the years. I was lucky. I came upon a set of jokes about the "joys" of "conjugal bliss," some perhaps written in blood and tears by the authors in between that  transient heaven when free from either.

The sentiments expressed in the jokes may sound uncannily familiar to some of you who are married. But I don't suppose there is very much they can do except to joke about it. The jokes came from famous TV and movie personalities or novelists. There is even one from a philosopher.  To some, perhaps it's may be a little difficult to tell nowadays if those distinctions really have any further meaning.  Without further ado, here they are:

 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

                                                     Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin: they just can't face the other. 

                                                     Hermant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

                                                     Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.

                                               Alexander Dumas

The great question ...which I have not been able to answer is..."What does a woman want"?

                                                                                                                                          Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

A man inserted an "ad" in a classified: "Wife wanted". The next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

                                               Anonymous

Some people ask me the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing.She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.

You know what I did before I marrried? Anything I wanted to.

                                       Henry Youngman

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

                                                                                                                                           Sam Kinison

There is a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called "marriage".

                                     James Holt McGavran

I have had luck with both wives. The first one left me. The second one didn't.

                                      Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. whenever you're wrong, admit it. 2 whenever you're right, shut up.

                                                  Nash

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

                                           Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

                                           Milton Berle

First Guy (proudly):  My wife is an angel.

Second Guy:            You're lucky, mine is still alive!

                                                     Anonymous

Have a nice weekend.