One moment this world is enchanting. The next, it is disenchanting. This really is a crazy world!!! No, no, no. This world is not crazy. But only the people in it are! So how do we define this world and some of the things in it for crazy people? The answer may be as simple as it is crazy. So...here are some crazy definitions and some crazy answers to crazy questions.
DEFINITIONS
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.
Classics: Books which everyone praises but which no one bothers to read
Committee: Individuals who do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes
he got the biggest piece.
Conference: The conclusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, no one listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught
Divorce: The future tense of marriage.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills and then kills you by his
bills.
Etc. A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: The art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through
the "minds" of either.
Life Insurance: A contract which keeps you poor all your life so that you can
die rich.
Marriage: An agreement by which man loses his bachelor degree and the
woman gains her master
Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence
after that.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life to be spoken of when
dead.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water power
Yawn: The only time some married men ever got to open their mouth
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
Q: How are husbands like lawnmowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit noxious odors and half the time, they
don't work
Q: How do men exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three: one to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him.
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every
woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: What is the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A: Put the remote between his toes.
Q: What is the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick
one only.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A: "My wife says...."
Q: What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Straight through the rib cage.
Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.
Have a weekend crazy with joy!!
Very good one! I was reading and laughing!
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/23/2010 01:19:00]That's the whole idea!
回覆刪除You make my day again!
[版主回覆10/23/2010 07:25:00]We all need a break at least once a week! Keep laughing throughout the weekend! Laughing prolongs life!
haha
回覆刪除love these crazy and funny things
[版主回覆10/23/2010 09:02:00]Yes. Enjoy yourself. That's why I put them there! Glad you like them!
How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
回覆刪除A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
Never so true! I hate reading instruction manuals.
BTW, I can never get my wife to read my emails, even those that concern her. She always prefers me to relate the content to her. Does Elzorror have any brilliant idea of making wives read husbands’ emails.
[版主回覆10/23/2010 09:19:00]I respect other's privacy. I expect no less from my wife. So I haven't got the foggiest idea. But now that you ask me about it, the first thought which occurs to me is this: write her some excruciatingly sweetie sweet lover's nonsense and invite her to laugh at how disgustingly sweet it is! She'd say how silly you are but secretly love you for it! Women never say what they mean or mean what they say.
I do agree with the definitions of doctor, marriage, politician and smile ...
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/23/2010 11:27:00]What little logic I learned tells me that it only takes one counter example to render the definition false! If so, none of these defintions can be true, doctor, marriage, politician and smile included! But then, what does it matter? Just a joke!
"Crazy, Read before you go , Attention dear readers, all crazy laughters welcome, Zoo of sexes, male jokes and female gags, Yelling happily ever after, the joke of love..." Oh!You're always so humorous ! My dear old friend !
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/23/2010 22:46:00]You right. Love drives us crazy. Yet we're still crazy about what drives us crazy. What would men and women do without love???!!!
One moment this world is enchanting. The next, it is disenchanting.
回覆刪除I like these sentences.
It's really crazy.
回覆刪除[版主回覆10/30/2010 13:39:00]That's why we should neither take this world nor ourselves too seriously.