Saturday Fun (星期六笑話)

Before you know it, it's Saturday again. Time for a bit of fun, definitely something we rarely find at our Legislative Assembly these days.

1.

Two friends, are walking down the street, a blonde and a redhead.
They pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, 'Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.'
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, 'What's the big deal? Don't you like getting flowers?'
The red head says, 'Oh sure..... but he always has expectations after giving me flowers. I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.'
The blonde says, 'Don't you have a vase?'

2.

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday.
He spent $8,888 and felt really good about the result.
On his way home he stopped at a news stand and buys a paper. Before leaving he said to the sales clerk, 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?'
'About 35,' was the reply .'I'm actually 47!' the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question,to which she replied, 'Oh, you look about 29.'
'I am actually 47.' This made him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asked an old woman the same question.
She replied, 'I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes, I will be able to tell your exact age.'
As there was no one around, the man thouhgt "what the hell"  and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady said, 'OK, it's done. You are 47.'
Stunned, the man said, 'That was brilliant. How did you do that?' The old lady replied, 'I was behind you at McDonalds.'

3.

Two sons were left a large piece of property by their father.
For months they fought over how the land should be divided.
Finally, they agreed that they should bring the problem to their rabbi and would abide by whatever solution he proposed..
They went to the rabbi.
"Come back tomorrow," said the rabbi, "and we'll talk."
The next day the sons returned.
The rabbi said to one of the brothers, "Toss a coin."
Then he said to the other, "You call it, heads or tails. The one who wins the toss, divides the land."
"That's no solution," said one of the brothers. "We're right back where we started from."
"Not so," said the rabbi. "The one who wins the toss divides the land; but the other gets first choice."

Have an enjoyable weekend. And if the weather is fine again, go out!