Saturday Fun (週末笑一笑)

Teaching is one of the toughest jobs on earth. Often you're faced with unruly kids who'd do anything to avoid having to study and occasionally, you'd be asked questions which you simply don't know how to answer. But it has its peculiar joys too, often in ways you'd never have thought possible.

1.

Describing his teacher to his father, Jimmy called her “mean but fair.”
“Just what do you mean by that?”, his father asked.
“She is mean, not just to me but to everybody”,  Jimmy replied.

2.

Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

3.

Son: I can’t go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don’t feel well
Father: Where don’t you feel well?
Son: In school!

4.

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn’t you?
Pupil: Not very much!


5.

“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear it is,” insisted Johnny. “I had to smear it with honey, but I finally got him to eat it.”

6.

A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”


7.

The little boy wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised.
He tapped her on the shoulder and said…. “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades….. somebody is going to get a spanking…”


8.

Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?.
Pupil: I get up early!

9.

“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Now, can any one give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”

10.

Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there!

11.

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

12.

College student: “Hey, Dad! I’ve got some great news for you!”
Father: “What, son?”
College student: “Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list?”
Father: “I certainly do.”
College student: “Well, you get to keep it.”


13.

Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here!


14.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

15.

Teacher: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
Cindy: You told me to do it without using tables!



16.

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up.” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.”Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

17.

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”

18.

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.
“Well, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“No.” replied the boy.
“I’m the principal’s daughter.” said the girl.
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!” said the boy with a sigh of relief.

19.

Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands!


20.

Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at John’s exam?
Student: I hope you didn’t either.


Have a relaxing weekend.