Late Delivery of Sunday Fun

Been fairly busy the last two days and got an "overdue notice" from a fellow blogger. Lucky for me, there's no system of penalties or fines. Any way, it's better late than never. Of course, I am aware of the delay but I was really too tired the last couple of days. A day or two shouldn't be regarded as too serious a dereliction of duties, I hope. To make up for the delay, I shall do my best to post more jokes this time.  As it is new year's, I thought I might just as well have some fun with it.

The first joke relates to how we "firmly and fervently" repent our past sins and are "really determined this year" to turn over a new leaf. To ensure that we shall actually be able to do what we have resolved, sometimes certain adjustments are needed. Here're some samples. To emphasize the solemnnity with which the relevant resolutions are taken, I shall have to print them out in BOLD CAPITALS. There will be a total of 7.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION NO 1:

    2005: I will not spend my money frivolously.
    2006: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
    2007: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
    2008: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of the debt of 2005.
    2009 I will be totally out of debt of 2006.
    2010: I will try to pay off the interest on my debt up to 2007.
    2011: I will try to be out of the country by 2012.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION NO 2:

    2008: I will try to be a better husband to Meggy.
    2009: I will not leave Meggy.
    2010: I will try for a reconciliation with Meggy.
    2011: I will try to be a better husband to Mary.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION NO. 3:

    2008: I will stop looking at other women.
    2009: I will not get involved with Mary.
    2010: I will not let Mary pressure me into another marriage.
    2011: I will stop looking at other women.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION NO. 4:

    2008: I will not let my boss push me around.
    2009: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
    2010: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
    2011: I will tell Dr. Lam and the group about my boss.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION NO. 5:

    2008: I will not get upset when  Charlie makes jokes about my baldness.
    2009: I will not get annoyed when Charlie kids me about my toupee.
    2010: I will not get angry when Charlie tells the guys I wear a girdle.
    2011: I will not speak to Charlie.

NEW YEAR  RESOLUTION NO. 6:

    2008: I will not take a drink before 6:00 p.m.
    2009: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
    2010: I will not become a "problem drinker".
    2011: I will not miss any AA meetings.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION NO. 7:
    
    2008: I will go to church every Sunday.
    2009: I will go to church as often as possible.
    2010: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
    2011: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.

Luck, like women, is unpredictable. Sometimes, so is life. Here's one of the things which might happen:

A man is sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.

Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another.  I just can't stand a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is really the worst in my life."

"What's so bad that a couple of drinks can't cure," says the truck driver.

" Well, first, I overslept and was late to my office. My boss was in a particularly grumpy mood today and  fired me. When I left for my car, I found that it was stolen. The police said they couldn't do nothing. So I got a cab home. After I left it, then I recalled I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drove away. I opened the door. When I got in, I found my wife sleeping with the gardener! I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!