A Surprise Finding

Recently SuperBro posted in his blog a poem by the renowned modern Chinese poet, Xu Zhimo (除志摩). Of course, I heard of his name before. How could I not. But I never really read any of his poems. So Saturday afternoon, I decided to fill in that particular hole in my knowledge, one of the numerous vacuums of what I have yet to discover. I bought a small paperback called "The Complete Works of Xu Zhimo" (徐志摩全集) at the ridiculous price of $54 at a Central bookstore! In fact, I have some doubts whether there may not be some element of deliberate misrepresentation in the title of that tiny volume of about 320 pages. If there is not, then I can't help having a twinge of sadness in my heart. Somehow it doesn't feel right.  According to the cover which attracted my attention in the first place and also the table of contents which I actually inspected, the book contains in that order, the authors's essays, translations, novelettes, diary and collection of his poems.  An entire life's work of a great writer and poet worth a mere $54? What does that tell us about our values?

Many will be surprised that I actually didn't read any of his excellent poems. It's just is true! But no one will be more surprised than I was when I actually started to read the book this morning whilst waiting for the Sunday mass crowd to disperse at the Cathedral to buy those "religious" books which I was supposed to help sell once every month. Instead of jumping to those parts which catch my fancy as I normally do, for once, I started at the beginning, like a dutiful reader. It consists of three parts: a brief biography, then an article by his teacher Liang Shih-Chiu 梁實秋 (1903 - 1987), a renowned educator, writer, translator, literary theorist and lexicographer and an obituary by Hu Shih (胡適) (1891-1962), essayist and philosopher and friend of Xu.

Xu's original name is 章垿, 浙江硤鎮人. He was born in 1895 and died in August 1931 in a plane crash on his way from Nanjing to Beijing at 黨家莊, Hsinan, (濟南) Shandong Province. He studied at 滬江大學, later transferred to U of Beijing (北大), then studied banking at the U of Columbia University, New York, then did reserach at LSE, London and thence to Trinity College, Cambridge as a free student. He returned to China in 1922, lectured at U of Beijing (北大), Ching Hua (清華) U, Kwong Hua (光華) U, Shanghai, Ta Hsia  (大夏) U, Nanjing Central  (南京中央).  His thoughts are heavily influenced by the philosophy of Bertrand Russell, the poetry of Tagore. His publications include the following: Poetry: 志摩的詩， 翡冷翠的一夜， 猛虎集；Essay Collections: 巴黎麟爪，自剖；Short Stories: 輪盤；Drama: 卡崑岡；Correspondence: 愛眉小札；Translation: Mansfield (?)曼殊斐爾's novels.

According to Liang, Xu is full of life: he radiated a kind of natural warmth. He described how once he arrived at the Hu's house, everything would instantly lit up: he would talk, joke, was always very animated and effusive. He would pat someone on his cheek or shoulder whenever he came, with a bundle of interesting periodicals or newspaper or some interesting letters under his arm and spilled everyone with his sunny joy. Some said that he was too superficial. His teacher 梁任公 said at his wedding with 陸小曼 that he could never make a good academic. Liang said he never saw Xu quarrel with anyone or had any battle in articles. He never replied to other' verbal attacks. Therefore some said that the was a coward while others said he was tolerant. But Liang thought that he devoted all his energies toward his artistic creation. He came from a rich family, his father being a banker and he had resided in England and German and was a bit of a dandy, had been to India and was a romantic liberal and the hero he admired more was Hu, who invited him to teach at Beijing and which indirectly led to his death. The two ideas he championed as editor of the New Moon (新月雜誌) was "dignity" and "health",

In Hu's obituary, he quoted Xu's description of his mental condition as " once simple belief falling into the despair of doubt". His beliefs according to Hu might be summarized into three words: love, freedom and beauty and his whole life might be described as a history of his pursuit of these three ideals. Despite the lapse of more than 80 years, I can still feel an inexplicable affinity with him when I read those words this morning. I was struck dumb by those three words. For a few moments, I was could not read any more. I was so happy. I am not alone! I found a kindred soul in him. A thunderclap of recognition!

Hu said when he died, all his friends cried. To him, they cried because they found that all through his life, he had shown himself to be such an embodiment of compassion and affection. He seldom harbored any grudge against anybody. Hu described him as "gluey" (黏著性的) and fermenting (發酵性的). Nobody could prevent himself from getting attached to him and nobody had ever grumbled or complained about him and none could resist his sympathy and his "gluey-ness". He always served as a bridge between the others. He was never envious of others and he had the ability to make those who were suspicious and jealous ashamed of themselves and filled them with admiration.

To Hu, although he divorced his wife, the reason he divorced her was that he wanted "to repay one freeom with another". (自由的償還自由) so as to make another dawn possible for both. To him true life is the result of striving by the individual. So is true happiness. So is true love. Love must be based on respect of others. This is exactly what I have been trying to teach my daughters! He thought that whilst love is something that happens, it is impossible for us not to strive for it (戀愛是可遇不可求,但不能不去追求). His philosophy of love is that he would look for his unique soul mate from a sea of people. If he found her, he considered himself lucky and if not, he would accept his fate.(" 我將於茫茫人海中訪我唯一靈魂之伴侶，得之，我幸，不得，我命 ，如此而已".  All through his life, he struggled for the realization of his ideals. He never accepted defeat, until death claimed him, like so many talented people, like Mozart ,early!

He wrote a poem in which he was looking for God called "In his eyes were you" 『 他眼有你』:

我攀登了萬仞的高崗         I climbed hill ten thousand feet high

荊棘扎爛了我的衣裳          The briars tore my clothes    

我向飄渺的雲天外望--        I looked beyond the wispy clouds in the sky afar

上帝！我望不見你！            I did not see you! God!

 

我向堅厚的地殼裏掏            I dug into the crust of the earth thick and firm     I

搗毀了蛇龍們的老巢            I ravaged the lairs of the snakes and dragons   

在無底的深潭裏我叫             I yelled inside a bottomless pit

上帝！我聽不見你！             I did not hear you! God!

 

我在道旁見一個小孩：         I saw a child by the roadside

活潑，秀麗，襤褸的衣衫； lively, handsome and bright, in rags

他叫聲媽，眼裡亮着愛---     he was calling his mother, his eyes filled with love--

上帝！他眼裡有你！             In his eyes were you! God!

Earlier at the mass, a little boy clinging to his father was peering behind his father's head in the pew in front of mine, seeking my eyes with his bright little eyes, his thumb in his mouth. I smiled at him. He smiled back and then hid his face behind his father's head. Then he emerged from his head and sought my eyes again. I smiled. He smiled again. He was so happy. There I found God. God is not something abstract, in the mouth of the priest who was then delivering his Sunday sermon. I found the same God as Xu's.

Others might already have discovered him long before me. But to me, no matter how long somebody might have existed, he does not truly exist for me until he is discovered by me. I am so happy I learned about the core values of Xu's life, something he struggled for all his life. Today will always remain a special day for me.  I shall always remember how I was struck by the combination of those three words, how a kindred soul materailized before my eyes, across the space of more than 80 years, under the canopy outside the Community Hall of Cathderal, in front of that long bench full of books, under a blue sky.

People regard Xu principally as a poet. I glanced through his essay on Cambridge, Paris and Florence. To my great suprise, he is an excellent essayist too! He is so good that I dare not read too quickly for fear of coming to the end too soon!