Sunday Fun

This week passes really fast. Before I know it, it's already Saturday yesterday and I forgot to post my usual Saturday jokes. I'd blame it on Christmas. It's such a big festival and people forget everything else. I was reminded by a fellow blogger to post something related to this season of joy. So I had to start to wrack my brain and came out with a rather unusual piece the ideas of which only occurred to me whilst writing about the more and more extensive commericalisation of Christmas . It's a rather heavy piece. As penance, I shall post something much lighter today but as it is Sunday, I thought may be I should post something about my religion. So here they are.

Catholic One-Upmanship

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied stripper... Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'"

 

The Difference between Jesus and a Painting

Q: What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?
A. It takes only one nail to hang a painting.

 

The Most Popular Sin

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

 

Good Deed of the Day

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press the doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small, whilst the doorbell is placed at normal adult height. The little fellow just can't reach it.

After watching the boy's sorry efforts for some time as he moves closer to the boy's position, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing one hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over the boy and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" 

The little boy replies, "Now we run like Hell!"