A Declaration of Rights of the Macho Man: in the interest of Marital Harmony

Silently, imperceptibly, Saturday is upon us again. It's time for a bit of fun again. As always, I'm lucky. It was supplied to me, free of charge, by a friend. It's in the form of some rules by which men live and have their being: something they'd defend with their life! It'd be a crime if I were not to share it with the men because it was written by a man and for men. Without further ado, here the rules are. 

Man Rules!  At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. And Finally........... the guys' side of the story. 

We always hear " the rules". From the female side....

Now, here are "the rules" from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1"  ON PURPOSE!

      1.   Men are NOT mind readers (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE).

      1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
         You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
         We need it up, you need it down, But
         You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

      1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
          or the changing of the tides.
          Let it be.

      1. Crying is blackmail.

      1.  Ask for what you want.
           Let us be clear on this one:
           Subtle hints do not work!
           Strong hints do not work!
           Obvious hints do not work!
           Just say it!

      1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

      1.  Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


      1.  Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 days.


      1.  If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

      1.  If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways make you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

      1.  You can either ask us to do something
           Or tell us how you want it done.
           Not both.
       If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

      1.  Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

      1.  Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 

      1.  ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

      1.  If it itches, it will be scratched.
           We do that.

      1.  If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle...

      1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

      1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

      1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as soccer or basketball or baseball or music or photography .

      1. You have enough clothes.

      1. You have too many shoes.

      1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

      1. Thank you for reading this.
          Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
          But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


      Pass this to as many men as you can -
      to give them a laugh.

      Pass this to as many women as you can -
      to give them a bigger laugh.