Economic Models

Originally I had wanted to write another blog on some topics which I started but for one reason or another have never quite finished like continuing the series on lifting the veil of mystery of mysticism, the solitudes of Chiang Hsun or the thoughts of Gibran or Krishnamurti or continuing the translation of some of the Spanish or French poets or those of Yu Guangzhong. But when I clicked into my hotmail, I found something rather more educational and definitely more interesting. So like a wise man (actually closer to a shameless euphemism for being a "lazy bone"), I changed my mind. I got to thank my good friend for this godsend! So without further ado, here it is.

      Economic Models Explained

        SOCIALISM

        You have 2 cows.
        You give one to your neighbour.

        COMMUNISM

        You have 2 cows.
        The State takes both and gives you some milk.

        FASCISM

        You have 2 cows.
        The State takes both and sells you some milk.

        NAZISM

        You have 2 cows.
        The State takes both and shoots you.

        BUREAUCRATISM

        You have 2 cows.
        The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
          throws the milk away.

        TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

        You have two cows.
        You sell one and buy a bull.
        Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
        You sell them and retire on the income.

       AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
        Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

       A FRENCH CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

        A JAPANESE CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.       

        A GERMAN CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

        AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

        You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
        You decide to have lunch.

        A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        You count them and learn you have five cows.
        You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
        You count them again and learn you have two cows.
        You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

        A SWISS CORPORATION

        You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
        You charge the owners for storing them.

        A CHINESE CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        You have 300 people milking them.
        You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
        You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

        AN INDIAN CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        You worship them.

        A BRITISH CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        Both are mad.

        AN IRAQI CORPORATION

        Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
        You tell them that you have none.
        No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. 
        You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

        AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

        You have two cows.
        Business seems pretty good.
        You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.