Saturday Jokes

These days, our newspaper headlines carry nothing but stories about politics and the integrity or otherwise of our politicians. So what is politics? Let look at some one liners.


  1.   In democracy it's your vote that counts;
        In feudalism it's your count that votes.
                          Mogens Jallberg
  
  2.  The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
                         Larry Hardiman
   
 3.    In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.
                         Thomas Pickering

 4.    'Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
                         Ronald Reagan
 
 5.       Will and Guy think that this is the best website for the latest political news.
           'The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it'.
                        Ronald Reagan

 6.      I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
                        Ronald Reagan

 7.      Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.
                         Gore Vidal
    
 8.      Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it wrongly, and applying unsuitable remedies.
                        Sir Ernest Benn

 9.       In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
                       Napoleon Bonaparte.

 10.     On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.
                       Alexis de Toqueville

  11.     Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
                       Ernest Benn

  12.     Politics makes strange bedfellows rich.
                       Wayne Haisley

  13.     You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.
                       Joseph Levine

  14.     Don't vote. You'll only encourage them.
                       Anonymous

  15.     Although he is regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in politics.
                      George Mitchell.

  16.     A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.             Mark Twain

  17.     Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
                      Kin Hubbard
   
  18.     When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
                       PJ O'Rourke

  19.     Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
                        Will Rogers

That's a whole lot of one-liners. I have no intention of causing any indigestion. After all, it's Dragon Boat Festival day. Must reserve some space for the obligatory dumplings, must'nt we.