Saturday Jokes

These days, one seems rarely to have any good news about those who control our fate. Whenever we open the newspaper, we see one headline after another about how our CE has squandered our hard earned tax dollars. But what can one do? If you think that is bad enough, wait.

1.

Three international delegates are chatting over a break from a meeting in New York about government public works spending in developing countries.

The delegate from Brazil turns to his counterparts and asks, ''Want to hear how bad corruption is in Brazil?''

The others nod their heads vigorously.

He continues, ''If there is a government project in Brazil, it will definitely go to the relative of a minister or one who can afford to buy off the minister''.

The delegate from India laughs aloud and says, ''Oh, that's nothing. In India, the project will go to a relative of a minister and you can be sure that the works will be substandard''.

The delegate from Tanzania laughs even louder and takes out a photograph from his briefcase and asks, "See that bridge?"

The others inspect it. There is silence. After a short while, one the other delegates cannot restrain his puzzlement any more and says, ''You sure you have not taken out the wrong photo? I see only a picture of a beautiful river!"

The Tanzanian delegate says, "I can see that you have not lost the use of your eyes despite years of service in your government. But I can tell you that our funds for that bridge were paid out anyway!"

So what are you unhappy about? Now let's pass on to another subject of far greater importance. To Christians anyway.

2.

Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal, and said to the first man he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."
     
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
     
 "Most certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole replied, "No, Not me, Father."
     
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
     
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were rounding up a group to go there right now."

Have a nice weekend!