Saturday Jokes

For some reasons, people don't seem to like lawyers. I don't know why. But you'll probably get some ideas, not from the lawyers or judges, but from jokes. Here're some. I'm sure you'll have plenty more.

1.

A lawyer wandered home at three in the morning and his wife was very upset yelling, “You’re late! You said you’d be home at 11:45”! 
The lawyer calmly replied, “No, I’m right on time.  I said I’d be home a quarter of twelve.”

2.

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 1,500 perfumed erotic valentines across the city signed, “Guess Who”?
She’s a divorce lawyer.

3.

Two very rich people got divorced and their lawyers lived happily ever after.


4.

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

And the last one is best. It's a true story. Here it goes.

5.

This took place in Charlotte , North Carolina .
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued -  and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance  company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

(Note from a friend: This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.)

Have a nice weekend. You're free to add more. I'm sure you'll have absolutely no trouble.